Tired- So Tired

I guess this is the mutual frustration felt by some of you too, that we don't really matter a whole lot. We get to 18, finally we can vote, but it mean anything? All I seam to have is the ability to change a few minds but a lack of ambition seems to prevent me or making me fear actually doing something important.

A fear of failing....

A fear of nobody actually giving a shit....

I want to be alright with where I am, I mean I'm a city employee and a Rotarian, I'm constantly organizing volunteer groups at school, worked at countless fund raisers. But it doesn't seem to matter. I don't want to be the one who makes decisions, I just want to be listened to quite carefully by those that do.

To put it blatantly, power is what I want, not the power of a mafioso or a drug lord, but intellectual power. To be my own definition to put it that way. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this frustration.

But then again, my personality conflicts with this. As I said before a lack of ambition and the fact that I'm a horrible procrastinator.

"I'll try and matter tomorrow"

.......Or not.....

I've had my share of muses I guess you could say, the latest moved away last year leaving me with a feeling of anguish and exhaustion. So lately I haven't had the want or need to do anything outside of work and school, plus a girlfriend I have nothing in common with.

Alright, I'm done whining for now.